is j. nyla ink mcneill’s first fully solo-authored work, featuring poems written between ages 15-27. j. is a maker, researcher, artist, and social scientist who decided to rebel against their “traditional” PhD and dissertation pathway they had been on since the age of 10.
Departing from forms and formats expected of them in their academic disciplines, the work traces their punk as f*ck journey from “publish-ing or perish-ing” burnout to going rogue. It leans on community, art, and self-determined study as a path toward becoming.
When the COVID-19 lockdowns began, j. nyla chose to stay home and create within their self-guided, cohort-held DIY PhD through the School for the Ecocene, instead of attending the “dream school” they were accepted to. What followed was a deeply personal and political process of gathering over ten years’ worth of spoken word poetry and prose.
to requite and/or return offers not a single argument (typical of a dissertation), but a constellation of invitations to feel, remember, and imagine otherwise. Its works span the various ways of being in relationship with: parents, friends, frenemies, lovers, land, Spirit, lineage, illness, community, institutions, self.
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This DIY PhD dissertation is no isolated work. Edited by Sarita Doe (author of Textbook for the Ecocene) and developed in conversation with multiple communities of independent scholars and writers, this collection is a retrospective labor of love that has been nurtured—and crowdfunded—by community and colleagues since 2018.
Emerging from the influence of poets such as Audre Lorde, June Jordan, Saul Williams, Allen Ginsberg, and the queer Beat generation more broadly, j. nyla ink mcneill's work reflects their inner world as an act of resistance. As a scientist, writing about oneself is often considered taboo, and work that engages directly with politics is frequently dismissed as "too political." In response, these poems surface the movements to which they belong, documenting an early departure from the path they were expected to follow.
From involvement in the movements for transgender rights, trans feminism, queer liberation, and people-powered civic action, to the pursuit of Pandemicene-tinged neighborly care and romance, j. nyla reflects on the ruptures and reckonings that moved them away from a conventional life. Beginning with poems about teenage crushes (that gradually take on a political voice), and continuing through pointed critiques of the research fields they continue to transform as an adult, the collection documents their evolution as both a thinker and a feeler.
This DIY PhD dissertation is no isolated work. Edited by Sarita Doe (author of Textbook for the Ecocene) and developed in conversation with multiple communities of independent scholars and writers, this collection is a retrospective labor of love that has been nurtured—and crowdfunded—by community and colleagues since 2018.
Emerging from the influence of poets such as Audre Lorde, June Jordan, Saul Williams, Allen Ginsberg, and the queer Beat generation more broadly, j. nyla ink mcneill's work reflects their inner world as an act of resistance. As a scientist, writing about oneself is often considered taboo, and work that engages directly with politics is frequently dismissed as "too political." In response, these poems surface the movements to which they belong, documenting an early departure from the path they were expected to follow.
From involvement in the movements for transgender rights, trans feminism, queer liberation, and people-powered civic action, to the pursuit of Pandemicene-tinged neighborly care and romance, j. nyla reflects on the ruptures and reckonings that moved them away from a conventional life. Beginning with poems about teenage crushes (that gradually take on a political voice), and continuing through pointed critiques of the research fields they continue to transform as an adult, the collection documents their evolution as both a thinker and a feeler.
Why Pre-order?
To cover the costs of independent small-batch printing, all books are available by pre-order only. Pre-ordering to requite and/or return helps ensure that printing costs remain covered without producing excess copies that sit waiting for owners. It also supports j. nyla's efforts to place the book in bookstores, libraries, and other community spaces.
Please allow 1–3 months for your pre-order to arrive, as the printing process alone takes approximately one month before shipping.
If, for any reason, your book does not arrive within 100 days time, j. will be happy to send another copy. Please contact them at jnylamcneill@gmail.com, or through the inquiry box on the Contact page.
Thank you for your patience.